Kyle Makes A Conspiracy Theory About Les Miserables

Today’s edition of Kyle Makes Things is a classic example of how NOT to get good exposure on the internet: make a joke about something that only a certain group of people will understand. For instance, only people who have seen Les Miserables.

Les Miserables, from what I understand, is the first show named after its audience: The Miserable Ones.

For some reason, a lot of people seem to love it though, despite the fact that every song is the same tune with different words.

Basically the whole thing is about these two guys, Jean Valjean (laziest character name ever… it’s basically the french version of Edward Edwards) and Javert. Javert is a policeman who spends the entire movie doing his job (finding and arresting criminals) and somehow being vilified for it, while Jean Valjean breaks his parole and goes on the lam, and is somehow the hero of the story.

Towards the end of the play, Javert, who has been pursuing Valjean for decades, ends up having his life saved by Valjean. Valjean spares him and basically says “We’re even now, bro.”. Javert is supposedly conflicted over this, because he always thought Valjean was a bad guy, and now he’s had his life saved by him, and blah blah blah.

Instead of going to see a therapist, or journaling about it or whatever, Javert jumps off a bridge to his death.

Or at least, that’s the story we hear in the play.

Here’s my theory:

My guess is that after Javert has his life spared, he was like “Thanks for not killing me. But, um… you’re still under arrest. Because I’m a police officer and you’re a parole violator, and I sorta have to do this.”

Then some words were exchanged, there was a scuffle, and next thing we know, Javert gets pushed off a bridge.

Afterwards, Jean Valjean came up with this whole cockamamie tale about Javert’s inner turmoil and so on and so forth.

Baloney.

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